Home Inspiration Laugh Your Heart Out: 31 Dark Humor Quotes That’ll Put a Smile on Your Face

Laugh Your Heart Out: 31 Dark Humor Quotes That’ll Put a Smile on Your Face

by Lois R. Earles

Sometimes when life gets you down, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But for thousands of years, people have used humor to brighten up dark times. They may not be the most upbeat jokes, but these dark humor quotes will surely help lighten your mood.

Humor doesn’t just make us feel better about crummy situations — it also lets us poke fun at things that might sometimes be off-limits. Dark humor turns dreadful topics and transforms them into a source of joy rather than despair.

You deal with all kinds of frustrations in your daily life — your partner is annoying, you hate your job, your parents are nosy, you sometimes even don’t like yourself.

So, sometimes you might feel like all you need is a stiff drink. Or maybe you’re tempted to be a little bad!

These dark humor quotes reflect the best — and the worst — of what humanity has to offer.

31 Dark Humor Quotes That’ll Put a Smile on Your Face

Dark Humor Quotes About Love and Relationships

#1 “It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.” — Robert Frost

#2 “I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.” — Zsa Zsa Gabor

#3 “Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” — Jerry Seinfeld

Dark Humor Quotes About Alcohol

#4 “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” — Ron White

#5 “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” — W. C. Fields

#6 “I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often – but I’m well preserved.” — Rose Kennedy

#7 “The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.” — Phyllis Diller

#8 “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” — David Lee Roth

Dark Humor Quotes About People

#9 “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.” — W. H. Auden

#10 “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” — Will Rogers

#11 “Society is like a stew. If you don’t stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.” — Edward Abbey

#12 “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” Terry Pratchett

#13 “There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity.” — Vladimir Nabokov

Dark Humor Quotes About Life and Death

#14 “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

#15 “I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.” — Paul Simon

#16 “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” — Katharine Hepburn

#17 “Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.” George Bernard Shaw

Wickedly Insightful Dark Humor Quotes

#18 “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” — Mark Twain

#19 “Prejudice is a great time-saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.” — E. B. White

#20 “Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” — Don Marquis

#21 “When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.” — Saul Bellow

#22 “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” — Don Marquis

#23 “If at first you don’t succeed, blame your parents.” — Marcelene Cox

Self-Deprecating Dark Humor Quotes

#24 “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” — Theodore Roosevelt

#25 “One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.” — Franklin P. Jones

#26 “I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.” — Bob Hope

Funniest Dark Humor Quotes

#27 “Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.” — Robert Bloch

#28 “I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.” — Emo Philips

#29 “What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.” — Christopher Fry

#30 “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” — Abraham Lincoln

#31 “Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.” — H. L. Mencken


They say that laughter is the best medicine. If you’re feeling down, it’s good to look at things differently. Even if a good joke doesn’t change your situation, it’s bound to make you feel better!

The next time you’re feeling bad, remember these dark humor quotes. The world is far from perfect, but then again, nothing is. If you can find joy in life’s imperfections, as well as your own, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with whatever life might throw at you.

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